Intriguing, someone is curious about me. Huh, well, let’s see if we can address your curiosity. You’re probably looking for my accreditation’s eh? Unfortunately, that is something I have no interest in posting online for a plethora of reasons. However since you’re here, allow me to offer you some protips from very jaded man. Stay fucking humble. And fucking remember that well done is better than well said.
And realtalk, when shit comes down to shit, the trully intelligent person is the one who can pretend to be a fool in front of a fool who pretends to be intelligent. Shit’s way more fun that way trust me.
Here’s some protips on achieving just that!
Change the way you fucking talk. It almost doesn’t matter what you say in a British accent, you will still sound pretty sophisticated. It almost doesn’t matter what you say in a valley girl or a surfer dude accent, you will sound a little less sophisticated. The way you speak has a tremendous impact on how others perceive your intelligence.
The main way is to alter your speech to make you look dumber is by adding the words “like” and “umm” in your sentences. If you want to take it a step further, include rhetorical questions such as, “You know what I’m saying?” multiple times. The listener will start getting agitated and think to themselves, “No I don’t know what you’re saying you idiot!”
Clearly you must remove SAT type words from your vernacular as well. Unless you are Fraser Crain, nobody speaks with words like “pernicious,” “erudite,” “colloquial,” “nadir,” “vapid,” “boorish” and so forth. Practice speaking like a middle school student and you will do just fine, yo.
Moreover don’t be quick witted and answer questions in lightening pace. Pretend like you are still calculating answers like a 286 computer instead of the latest microprocessor that you are. I’ve found myself very agitated when a friend of mine takes a long time to answer a question or recall a song name or whatever. He is clearly very smart, but because his response time is slower than mine, I automatically think he’s dumber than me even though I’m wrong.
Stop fucking smiling. You’ve heard the saying, “I’m going to wipe that dumb grin off his face!” right? People associate smiley people on the dumber end of the spectrum. Furthermore, smiling a lot will make you look less menacing. People will naturally smile back at you and wonder why the heck are you smiling all the time because work generally sucks! You never see an evil genius smile. They are either smirking or plotting with a furrowed brow.
Just tell people you don’t know shit. If you know a lot of stuff then a lot of people will come to you for questions. You’ll be so inundated with questions that you won’t be able to get your own work done. People tend to take advantage of your time once you show a little bit of kindness. For example, I’m constantly answering e-mails from people who have IT related questions. I would say 90% of the time I respond with a thoughtful answer. And when I do, they will ask for another answer and want me to get into more detail. So instead, I sometimes pretend I don’t have an opinion or I don’t know when an absolute stranger who has never had contact with me before in my life just comes at me out of the blue like that. The only fucking thing in life you can never get back is time. Remember that.
Also the more other people know how much you know, the higher the expectations they have of you. And if for some reason you don’t have time, or you’re past your allotted work hours and don’t want to help, they might develop a sour opinion of you if you don’t spend your remaining free time helping them out en gratis.
By proxy, saying fucking “I don’t know” when you fucking don’t know something is always the right fucking answer. ALWAYS. You will not be fucking looked down upon by fucking anyone for fucking doing so, FUCK. Oh, also, I have tourettes and it’s manifested itself in my typing. Whatever, deal with it or don’t, I ain’t changing.
You do understand that it’s okay to tell people that you don’t know something. It gives you the chance to learn new facts. It gives you the chance to dodge looking like a fool and a know-it-all. It makes you humble. It makes you appreciate people by asking you questions you don’t know about. It makes you think critically instead of just babbling ideas.
It’s okay to be clueless.
It’s okay to learn from someone.
It’s okay to shut up and smile instead of shitting on other people with your pretentious stupid opinions or guesses.
Always remember this:
“Just because you know something doesn’t mean you know every other thing.”
Don’t be ashamed to admit that you don’t know something. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. Honesty is always better. And the blunt fucking truth of a situation no matter what feathers it might fucking ruffle.
Stop being a pretentious little asshole, for fuck sakes.
In any case, I guess I’ll rant off about me now…
Hi there, I’m just a Canadian dude from Windsor, Ontario. I’ve been following the WuhanFlu outbreak since December and I’ve been screaming at the entire planet to take this seriously. Alas, by the time anyone listened, it was usually too late.
Buttttttt what is Ben up to now?!
Now, I’m just doing everything in my power to help the dudes/dudettes in Windsor get through this with as little death and suffering as possible. I’ve basically committed everything I own to this.
If you feel like helping me out on my little mission, feel free to shoot a couple bucks to me at https://www.paypal.me/benhaker. Every single last cent that you shove my way will directly help me help others around my area. I have zero interest in money or riches, never have, never will. I don’t want to see the world burn, I see it burning… I’m just trying to put out as many fires as I can.
Also, FUCK advertising and all that other shit. You won’t find any of that on here.
Oh, one last thing… If you’ve had the misfortune of talking to me over messenger, you know I like to break shit up into a million little pieces instead of giant paragraphs. Idfk, it’s a character flaw. The moar you know! *rainbow, starrrrrrrrr*
PS: Don’t be afraid of being scared. To be afraid is a sign of common sense. Only complete idiots are not afraid of anything. Everything will be okay in the end… and if it’s not okay, it’s not the end.